Don't let them hurt your feelings
If what they said bothers you, if it lingers in your mind, if it triggers something in you—it’s because part of you actually believes it.
I get comments all the time—people saying I’m ugly, that I have no business speaking this confidently, that I look like a man, or comparing me to whatever random animal they can think of. But none of it affects me. Why? Because I don’t believe them.
I know who I am. I know I’m beautiful. I know I’m confident. And when you know something so deeply, when it’s ingrained in your self-concept, other people’s opinions don’t shake you.
But if a comment ever did trigger me—if it made me pause, doubt myself, or feel insecure—it would mean there’s a part of me that believes it might be true. That’s the real reason negative opinions hurt: they expose the cracks in your own belief system.
Self-Validation Is Power
When you rely on external validation, your confidence becomes a rollercoaster.
• Someone tells you you’re beautiful? You feel amazing.
• Someone insults you? You feel terrible.
That’s not confidence. That’s insecurity wrapped in temporary validation.
True confidence comes from knowing who you are independent of other people’s opinions. When you truly believe in yourself, insults don’t shake you—just like compliments don’t define you.
Think about it like this: if you have brown hair and someone calls you a blonde, you’d laugh. You know they’re wrong. You wouldn’t feel the need to argue or prove anything. That’s how unshakable your self-concept needs to be in every area of your life.
If You’re Triggered, Look Inward
It’s easy to blame others. To say “Why are people so mean? Why do they say these things?” But the real question is: Why do I feel triggered by this?
When something upsets you, take a moment to reflect:
• What belief is being activated right now?
• Is this something I secretly fear might be true?
• Am I looking for outside validation to tell me otherwise?
Once you pinpoint the belief, you have two choices:
1. Change it. If the criticism holds weight—if it exposes an area where you need to improve—then use it as motivation to level up.
2. Detach from it. If it’s just noise, if it’s based on someone else’s projections, then let it go.
Either way, you’re taking control.
The Confidence Test: How Do You Handle Negativity?
It’s easy to think you’re confident when everyone is praising you. But the real test? How do you react when someone says something negative?
If one comment can ruin your mood, if one insult can send you into self-doubt, then you don’t have confidence—you have conditional confidence. And that means there’s still inner work to do.
The Cycle of Projection
People will always project their own insecurities onto others. When I say women should only date providers, it triggers broke men—because they believe they aren’t good enough.
When I talk about self-worth, it triggers people who feel unworthy. When I talk about leveling up, it triggers people who feel stuck.
It’s never about me. It’s about them.
And the same applies to you. When someone criticizes you, remember—it says everything about them and nothing about you.
Stop Giving Others Power Over Your Emotions
If you let other people’s words define your self-worth, you are giving away your power. You are saying, “My confidence depends on how others see me.”
That’s not the life you want to live.
Instead, train yourself to detach. When someone says something negative, pause. Instead of reacting emotionally, ask yourself:
• Do I believe this?
• If not, why does it bother me?
• If I do, what do I need to change within myself?
Own Your Identity. Validate Yourself.
You are in control of how you see yourself. The world will always have opinions, but none of them matter unless you let them.
• If you feel insecure about something, work on it.
• If you feel triggered, analyze why.
• If someone tries to define you, remind yourself you create your own reality.
This is your invitation to level up your mindset, raise your self-concept, and step into unshakable confidence.
And if you’re ready to embody the most confident, successful, and magnetic version of yourself, work with me at modelpatty.com. Let’s reprogram your mind for the life you actually want.
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